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November 08 There is a lot of truth to this - reposted.“我不是不想和你结婚，而是我不想和任何人结婚，我根本不想结婚。”3年前，当我和一个女孩说出压抑在心底很久的想法时，我的最后一次爱情走到了它的终点。如果这对于她是一种伤害，我只能说抱歉，但这对于我确实是一种如释重负的解脱。
1 我恐惧婚姻，也恐惧爱情。所谓的爱情对我来说永远不会有快感，如果有，那也只是短暂欢愉之后更大的无奈与痛苦。我只知道我看见这个世界永远有 那么多食之无味弃之可惜的爱情，有那么多得过且过的婚姻，如果所有的一切只是意味着彼此的伤害程度不同，所有的快乐都是强颜欢笑，有的人在拼命地维持，有 的人在假惺惺地掩盖，那么，爱一个人又有什么意思？和一个人结婚又有什么意思？ 为什么非得要爱一个人？谁规定了的？不爱又如何？一个人就不能过得快乐吗？不要再问了，我已经习惯。 一个人上班下班，一个人上街买菜，一个人做饭，饭煮得刚刚好够自己一个人，吃完了看电视洗澡睡觉，日子就这样过去了，从没感觉缺少什么。 可以来设想一下，如果变成两个人，也许你工作一天后还得拖着疲惫的身体去接她下班，买菜时你要和她争吵到底吃什么好，饭吃完了要决定谁去刷盘 子，看电视时抢着遥控器，你要睡觉了她会让她的烦心事来烦你。平时，她还要你陪她逛街、陪她买衣服、陪她出去玩，你想去这里她偏偏想去那里，你失去了你的 自由，把你的一大半都给她了，她还不高兴，拿你发脾气，拿你当出气筒，而你只有委屈自己满足她，因为你是“爱”她的，她知道你“爱”她，她的眼睛永远在盯 着这个字，盯着你的表现，让你不得不活得很累，你逃也逃不掉。爱，意味着就是束缚，不要告诉我“其实束缚也是一种幸福”，没有人能够真正长期忍受得了的。 也许有的男人会说很幸运，因为他找到一个好女孩，温柔体贴、善解人意，处处顺着他让着他，令他活得很自由很快乐，那么，这样的爱情就是美丽 的吗？不是，只不过被束缚的一方变成了女人，她们以委屈求全、以牺牲自我的代价来换取两人之间表面的幸福。所以我要说，人都是有刺的，相互靠近便要无可避 免地扎着对方，便意味着无处不在的伤害，而爱情的本质不过是最大程度地收获无奈与痛苦，所有的美丽都是表层的、肤浅的、永不可靠的。 2 书本上说，“人是情感和 精神的动物”，似乎非得要“精神”一点才对得起这个人字，一定要“爱”点什么。那么，同样是花时间花金钱，我干吗不能去爱电脑爱电视机爱DVD，它们会永 远听你的话，永远会给你带来实实在在的快乐，连得到的伤感都是一种满足。当然，它们不能反过来“爱”你，不能如同一个恋人一般来关心你有没有吃饱穿暖，但 是，它们也永远不会有背叛。 至于身体欲望的满足，你知道，这是很多人打着“爱情”幌子的根由，不爱一个人，我同样可以满足，甚至是满足得更美好。关起门来对着一部色 情电影DIY，偶尔去找一份职业的服务，直截了当，简单易行，只要你给了钱，从此不用再负什么责，没有人来伤害你，你也伤害不了别人。 这就是我对“爱情”的真实想法，它可能不好听，却是最实用的。写成文章的时候， 请给“爱情”这两个字打上引号。在千万年前，据说人类是男女同体的，站在云头的上帝见人间太风平浪静没他什么事了，于是一掌将男女劈开，造出“爱情”这个 东西来让世间大乱，让受不了折磨的人类终于想起祈求上帝；而爱情之后的婚姻只是人类的一种习俗、一种制度，却在让多少人不快乐，让多少人从此陷入痛苦的泥 沼还要装聋作哑。 因此，不要说我“爱无能”，爱本来就无能，它不是没有快乐，而是有多少快乐就有多少痛苦。我拒绝爱，拒绝它的快乐也拒绝了它的痛苦，我不 要一个人来问我饿了没有冷了没有感冒了没有，不要一个人陪我聊天陪我奋斗，我已经长大，冷暖自知，懂得自己照顾自己，懂得用别的方式寻找同样的幸福与快 乐。 November 05 :D提问1: 一天早上起来, 发现自己身边的人都变成蛤蟆似的只会跳,只会呱呱叫,你怎么办？ 回答: fill up the bathtub for them and go to work 提问2:怎样治疗失眠? 回答：drink alcohol 提问3: 有点胖的女生和很瘦很瘦的女生,你相对喜欢哪种？ 回答：瘦子 提问4: 如果你结婚的时候,对方不是你最爱的人,你这辈子还会幸福吗? 回答：Yes if there isn't another guy i love more, but most likely no 提问5: 如果我今天很忙, 但还是抽出一段时间做某个人交给你的任务,那能不能说明我已经爱上她了? 回答：Probably 提问6:请问你的3大怪癖是什么? 回答：1. walking on the left side of someone 2. Can't wear anything when taking #2 3. like to sleep without blind or thin curtain 提问7: 认为世界上什么地方最适合养老? 为什么? 回答：Paris, cafe cafe cafe 提问8: 如果有一个只属于你的假日,你想做些什么? 回答：Travel Europe and Asia 提问9: 你觉得会不会同时爱上两个人? 回答：Of course, could be more 提问10: 如果抛开一切禁忌,你现在最想做的是什么? 回答：travel 提问11: 你最不喜欢和怎么样的人打交道？ 回答：cheap 提问12: 你最喜欢什么职业? 回答：自由职业 as general choice, specifics unkown 提问13:重放你所经历过的最幸福的时刻？ 回答：Chinese new years with my families 提问14:你最舍不得放弃的是什么？ 回答：don't know 提问15:如果上帝可以让你用十年的阳寿换取一个心愿,你会愿意吗? 换什么? 回答：Yes, a billian british pounds - i'll do a lot with it 提问16:目前最想做的事？ 回答：finding myself 提问17:初吻发生在何时何地,和何人？ 回答：don't remember 提问18:爱人, 被爱,哪个比较幸福？ 回答：equal 提问19:今年春节打算怎么过? 有什么新意吗? 回答：find a better job 提问20:如果有一天你失忆了,最想记住什么? 回答：families, b/f and dog, and all my TRUE friends 提问21:如果能重新来过, 你最想挽, 回的一件事情是什么? 回答：Date this guy in college 提问22:什么事情让你最开心? 回答：hang out with good friends and do whatever we want 提问23:现在外面是什么天气? 回答：dark and nice 提问24:心情不好的时候做点什么? 回答：smoke and drink 提问25: 有过的最大的志向是什么？ 回答：nothing 提问26: 你有信仰吗? 讲三个你信仰它的理由？ 回答：no 提问27：说出你现在爱人的乳名~~~哈哈~~~一定要说~~ 回答：none 提问28：相对于天堂和地狱，你认为人世间算是什么？ 回答：school and a long long test 提问29: 你希望你以后的孩子是男生还是女生？为什么？ 回答：I want both 提问30: 你为了爱情做过的最浪漫的事是什么？ 回答：travel across ocean twice in 3 months 提问31：你准备什么时候结婚? 回答：i don't know, never thought about it. But definitely not before i can afford having kids 提问32：你最喜欢什么样子的异性朋友？ 回答：Caring, i like to be spoiled 提问33：近期内做过的最得意的一件事是什么？ 回答：Pick up Yoga 提问34:今天晚上吃饭，吃的第一口菜是荤还是素？
Answer: looks like it's going to be 荤
P.S.被点名者在自己的BLOG上写答案,并出一个题目, 然后把题目丢给另外5个人,并且到这些人的留言版上留下:"你被点名了."这5个人在自己的BLOG里注明是从哪一个BLOGER那里传来的题目.然后写下答案, 并另写一个问题, 再去帖另外5个人.比如你自己回答14个题目,你回答完了再加一个,被你点名的博友就要回答15个题目,如此继续下去. Butter的问题：If you have to choose either rice or veggie to live without for the rest of your lift, which would you choose？ Sheana, Floral, Johnson, Sissi, Valerie (just answer my question only) July 18 Been a whileHaven't updated for a long time. Lots going on, but nothing special. And I probably have not been thinking about anything. Brain activity determines the frequency of entries. Some current events I want to comment on because the recent years have been rather disastrous: 1. Tsunami: another one? There were warnings, but ppl are still dying in piles. Seriously, curiosity kills the cat. 2. Israel needs to lay off! Its attack on Lebanon is absolute absurdity. Most disappointing is the lack of action taken by the rest of the world. If this was North Korea bombing Israel, the US alone would have already started WWIII. Ridiculous! 3. "Yo Blair... the sh**************t...." Bush never fails to make an ass of himself. Opening broadcasting his buddy tight relationship w/ the British PM while chewing widely on bread and butter.... some Chinese proverb would have taught him to eat in silence. that even the President is just human, but the title isn't carried @ zero cost! June 11 Vacation's over!One whole week of do-nothing :) That was nice. No time line, no schedule, no obligations but to have fun, relax and stuff my face... I love it. I have no other island to make comparisons to Curacao with but Bermuda. Curacao's definitely more "natural." Beaches are gorgeous and definitely are heavens for snorkel fans. so many fish and other weird sea animals. Food was not bad at all for an island. There are so many dutch vacationers on the island. To my surprises, people on this island don't read. There is no book store at all, and an american magzine that would normal be about four dollars costs 20 dollars in Curacao. So much for readin..... :) May 16 BermudaSo, I'm back home now 1. Very cute hotel - we had our private stairs leading up to a spacious, well maintained, and well equipped alcove studio. The carpeting and curtain/blinds with the french window all very much suited my taste for a cozy stay. The half kitchen had everything from fridge to microwave and toaster, china to storage containers, indeed very homely. Giant and comfortable bed and two nicely spaced sofa chairs fills the space very proportionally well. One thing I have to mention, they provided a rubber duck for bath: cute cute cute. Compare to the upscale resort we checked into on Monday, this little bed & breakfast type of place was 100X better. And the staffs were so warm and friendly. The courtyard for breakfast was very sweet and covered in flowers, reminded me of the beach front Hotel I stayed in in Italy. 2. Food and Shopping - shops are unimpressive and expensive. Because the island is cutout for tourists and catered for expats, there are hardly anything special about local merchandises. No shopping for me. Food was very mediocre. Service is very friendly, but unskilled, which usually resulted in cold food being brought out, knocking thing off of table and such. 15% gratuity's included on all bills, large parties will have and extra 5% - not very fond of this local etiquette. Lastly, foods are expensive. Worst of all is that there is nothing local about the food. All restaurants are international, french, Italian, pan Asian, or trendy American. Not a good place for food lovers. 3. Beaches - satisfyingly beautiful. Long stretches of beaches with white and pink sand makes any walk most pleasurable. Coves along the beaches create unique and diverse seclusion for people with difference needs. Reefs harbor many kinds of fish for snorkellers. We had a lot of fun spending the day @ the beach. Of course the sun there just tans so much better than the grass lawns of central park Long story short, Bermuda's nice for beachfront relaxation if you can find affordable accommodation. It was great for me to just spend some stress free (at least to the minimum) and obligation free days with my sweetie, but probably will not go back until I see other Caribbean islands first. We made no attempts to sight see any major attractions, just wondered at our own pace to wherever mood took us. First time charm, but definitely not a keeper. May 04 梦里水乡Quote:
春天的黄昏/请你陪我到梦中的水乡/让挥动的手在薄雾中飘荡/不要惊醒杨柳岸/
那些缠绵的往事/化作一缕轻烟/已消失在远方/暖暖的午后/闪过一片片粉红的衣裳/
谁也载不走那扇古老的窗/玲珑少年在岸上守候一生的时光/为何没能做个你盼望的新娘/
淡淡相思都写在脸上/沉沉离别背在肩上/泪水流过脸庞/所有的话现在还是没有讲/
看那青山荡漾在水上/看那晚霞吻着夕阳/我用一生的爱去寻找那一个家/今夜你在何方/
转回头迎着你的笑颜/心事全都被你发现/梦里遥远的幸福它就在我的身旁
今天无意间发现了这首老歌，它便把我的思绪带回了从前
记得12年前，通过这首歌我认识了一个多才多艺的女孩
尽管我们相聚的日子十分短暂
但纯纯的那份友谊却一直没有断
朋友们的思念一直陪伴你在大洋彼岸
直到多年以后我们在另一个国度再次重逢
不禁又找回年少时的那份情怀
然而时过境迁，这次却换成我要远行
你对我说：“ I will be the friend who can go with you everywhere"
PS: After reading this post by Flora, I wasn't feeling too well, but not in a bad way. Just lots of emotions that I usually do not stir. Thanks Flora.
Good vs. Bad, Who knew!I HAVE to turn vegetarian for a month. Not that I have a strong inclination to a carnivorous diet, nor do I have graves for steak frits, but I DO LOVE SEA FOOD! I will be off of seafood for at least a month due to complications related to seasonal allergies. It is absolutely the perfect time for detox, if I was into that stuff. But as far as I can see, it'll be a long and hard month withouth steamed mussels, sauteed shrimps, pan seared sea scallops, pink salmon, and spicy tuna...
Oh yeah, refined sugar's also off limit. You know what this means: no ice cream, cookies, ALL kinds of desserts, and Absolutely NO ALCOHOL. Caffeine is also adversely stimulating, therefore there will be as little coffee as possible, mind you it's going to be unsweetened too (wish I was back in my devilish black coffee dreamy days). And of course the cure-it-all-cleanser "tea" just got booted onto the black list as well.
In return to all sacrifices above I got 14 tiny bags of finely ground herbal medicine, which are 10x the bitterness compare to coffee, and relentlessly earthy in after taste making me feeling like a mud chewing earthworm.
What's good, and what's bad? Just do what the best is for your body and mind :)
PS: i try...sigh*** Laundry list of expenses1. Allergy treatment - Appx $100 per week for the next 4 weeks. Oriental medicine, Insureance will probably deny coverage. Largest downside $400 for May. 2. TKD classes fee - $100 per month 3. Vacation to Curacao - $1100 on credit card 4 Ticket to Bermuda and related expenses - $500 5. New cell phone for dad - appx $100 for the month of May So excluding all my regular expenses, these are the adhoc outgoing cash flows. This is a sad month... $2,200 to be conservative
May 03 Uninspired...I've entered the chapter in life which is characterized with full-blown UNinspiration. Look around me in the office: two feet tall cube walls that are covered in org-charts, formulas, and trading conventions; my army of stuffed animals with all kinds of backgrounds guarding my space in every direction; my lucky bamboo named Genie sitting on top of a cube wall where rays of sunshine blanket every evening at around 7 o'clock; piles of papers and magazines, oversized computer screen with the tiniest font size so each page fits more contents, color coded keyboard with Bloomberg finger print window, boxes of tissues I use for allergies and all other things I can possibly think up to wipe; super powered magnets and vender provided stress ball; bottle of Veuve Clicquot from boss man and cutie little bottles of maple syrup from brunch; my draw full of shoes, sneackers and gym clothes... I am utterly uninspired.
This is the summary that most accurately account the state I'm in currently. Trying to start a fire with damp wood: purely stupid or simply ignorant? Perhaps just UNinspired... April 28 IMMEDIATE GOALMy very immediate goal is to GET TREATED FOR ALLERGIES! Life is on halt until I am rid of reasonally allergies. For this, I hate spring. April 26 Acquisitive WorkaholicI often wonder what will make me happy. In other words, what is the "goal" of my life. I tried staying away from the "goal" term so long to no avail. "Goal" is just such a vague, generally adapted, overused, and sometime misused word. It is like the classic "chicken and egg" dilemma, which comes first, do we realize our goal through the entire process of decision making, or do we set out on a journey with the glamorous goal deeply imprinted?
Going with the first scenario, our societies just don't allow us to taste the world until we find our passion unless we have filthy rich parents. And with the latter scenario, there will be no journeys until the goal is found, but how should we discover with no experience what so ever, how should we sit around and think up a "GOAL" for life out of thin air?
Or we can generalize our goals: Be rich - an acquisitive workaholic - regardless what I do! Have a family - regardless how my living conditions will be! But I mean what kind of crappy goals are those? These aren't goals, they are conditions defined by existing societal rolls.
I have not even a vague idea how I will approach life... clueless as a bunnie to be shot down! GOD DAMN IT.
Maybe there should be a cause before the big G-word. April 24 Mr. RightHow imporant is finding Mr. Right?
~ I'm a little tipsy now... drinking had become part of my daily routine. I enjoy it a lot. I like being half concious and half unconcious. In my department, the process of drinking is less pleasurable than the result of it. I drink to get drunk, and enjoy the drunken wrecklessness. ~
So, back to Mr. Right. I believe there are so many Mr. Rights out there for each girl. Same logic works for guys of course. Therefore, THE Mr. Right you meet and stick with is destined to be. Limit your curiosity and stick to what you've got... logical.
~ ok, this is pushing it. I'm too drunk to write... no... too drunk to think~ April 20 DilemmaThe much raved book "The Da Vinci Code" is out in paperback. This book gained wide popularity when first released. Then stirred some contraversies about the authenticity and originality of ideas and interpretation - details I'm not too familiar with since I never took interest in the book itself. Now a movie based on this book is coming out, which caused a return of mass attention to the book itself. Books and Hollywoods - it's all a big conspiratory conglamorate. For the first time, I found out the book is a fictional threaller. So the question becomes: Does it hurt to read just for fun against my dislike to blinded bandwagon jumping?
Me1: Everyone reads that crap book!
Me2: You can read it just for fun, you might like it.
Me1: But it's like the bible of commuters, and I don't see what the flipping colossal deal is about it!
Me2: Then forget it, find some other book.
Me1: But it's so tempting to see what this huge rave for it is all about.
Me2: Just go get the book, it's 7.99$ if you feel like it, then read it; if not just put it away.
Hm.... April 19 Feeling sick in beautiful springWeather finally warmed up after much anticipatio: flowers blossom, trees turn green, people send increasing time outdoors. For me, spring is great. The combined characteristics of spring make me feel very lively in general, and give me a much more optimistic outlook. However my usual happy self's not coming along easily this year. Allergies attack! I can never enjoy the bearutiful spring without physical suffers from multiple allergy attacks, symptoms including: runny, stuff, and bleedy nose, extremely itchy, watery and infetious looking eye. And comes with these is disturbed sleep for over two months. By the time these symptoms reduces we are most likely already suffering from the hot and humid summer air. Not Fair!
Another thing that bothers me, lately I''ve been feeling extremely tired: low energy level, lethargic, frequent persperation, restless sleep, very depressed mental state, and volatile emotion state. Not sure what's wrong with me, but I'm a little worried. Maybe the fall-out of the much anticipated Hawaiian vacation really took a toll on me more than i had thought it would. I will try to sleep more, exercise more and eat healthy... see how that works. Otherwise I'll have no choice but to pay a visit to my doctor. I bet she's going to give me the whole fatigue-can-be-caused-by-many-things speech.
On top of it all, I need a vacation. That will probably be the cure for all. April 13 Sunflower BackgroundUsually I would not have chosen so dark a shade of green for my space background. But for some reason, this green, with the yellow from the sunflowers attracted me like a magnet of the opposite pole. Sunflowers - one of my favorite kinds of flowers - are bright in color, bold, open and daring in appearance. They carry their seeds proudly in the center, surrounding them by soft yellow pedals, and stand high from the soil. I personally think they are the prettiest in soft beams of retiring sun. With a little breeze, a field of sunflowers immediately puts on quite a wonderfully soothing dance. They exhibit such delightful energy and spirit, I can't help wanting to transform into a sunflower sometime, leisurely and gently, showing all my affections to the radiant sunlight. I think the point is: pretty pretty spring is here! April 12 点名游戏
April 06 Marley and MeI'm reading "Marley and Me." Must be a fun and quick reading. It's about a doggie! March 31 Year of Dog with Ill LuckHorrible news, there is a sewage leak in Hawaii. Something about 50 million gallons of sewage water leaked into the ocean. Waikiki and near by beaches are closed because of high bacteria content. Trip will be cancelled. Good thing that I happened to find out - complete fluke - at least we won't get there and face closed beachese and contaminated food. Much to blame on the year of dog! |
. Couple of highlights of the trip:
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