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    November 08

    There is a lot of truth to this - reposted.

    “我不是不想和你结婚,而是我不想和任何人结婚,我根本不想结婚。”3年前,当我和一个女孩说出压抑在心底很久的想法时,我的最后一次爱情走到了它的终点。如果这对于她是一种伤害,我只能说抱歉,但这对于我确实是一种如释重负的解脱。
    1
      我恐惧婚姻,也恐惧爱情。所谓的爱情对我来说永远不会有快感,如果有,那也只是短暂欢愉之后更大的无奈与痛苦。我只知道我看见这个世界永远有 那么多食之无味弃之可惜的爱情,有那么多得过且过的婚姻,如果所有的一切只是意味着彼此的伤害程度不同,所有的快乐都是强颜欢笑,有的人在拼命地维持,有 的人在假惺惺地掩盖,那么,爱一个人又有什么意思?和一个人结婚又有什么意思?
      为什么非得要爱一个人?谁规定了的?不爱又如何?一个人就不能过得快乐吗?不要再问了,我已经习惯。

    一个人上班下班,一个人上街买菜,一个人做饭,饭煮得刚刚好够自己一个人,吃完了看电视洗澡睡觉,日子就这样过去了,从没感觉缺少什么。
      可以来设想一下,如果变成两个人,也许你工作一天后还得拖着疲惫的身体去接她下班,买菜时你要和她争吵到底吃什么好,饭吃完了要决定谁去刷盘 子,看电视时抢着遥控器,你要睡觉了她会让她的烦心事来烦你。平时,她还要你陪她逛街、陪她买衣服、陪她出去玩,你想去这里她偏偏想去那里,你失去了你的 自由,把你的一大半都给她了,她还不高兴,拿你发脾气,拿你当出气筒,而你只有委屈自己满足她,因为你是“爱”她的,她知道你“爱”她,她的眼睛永远在盯 着这个字,盯着你的表现,让你不得不活得很累,你逃也逃不掉。爱,意味着就是束缚,不要告诉我“其实束缚也是一种幸福”,没有人能够真正长期忍受得了的。
      也许有的男人会说很幸运,因为他找到一个好女孩,温柔体贴、善解人意,处处顺着他让着他,令他活得很自由很快乐,那么,这样的爱情就是美丽 的吗?不是,只不过被束缚的一方变成了女人,她们以委屈求全、以牺牲自我的代价来换取两人之间表面的幸福。所以我要说,人都是有刺的,相互靠近便要无可避 免地扎着对方,便意味着无处不在的伤害,而爱情的本质不过是最大程度地收获无奈与痛苦,所有的美丽都是表层的、肤浅的、永不可靠的。
    2
      书本上说,“人是情感和 精神的动物”,似乎非得要“精神”一点才对得起这个人字,一定要“爱”点什么。那么,同样是花时间花金钱,我干吗不能去爱电脑爱电视机爱DVD,它们会永 远听你的话,永远会给你带来实实在在的快乐,连得到的伤感都是一种满足。当然,它们不能反过来“爱”你,不能如同一个恋人一般来关心你有没有吃饱穿暖,但 是,它们也永远不会有背叛。
      至于身体欲望的满足,你知道,这是很多人打着“爱情”幌子的根由,不爱一个人,我同样可以满足,甚至是满足得更美好。关起门来对着一部色 情电影DIY,偶尔去找一份职业的服务,直截了当,简单易行,只要你给了钱,从此不用再负什么责,没有人来伤害你,你也伤害不了别人。
      这就是我对“爱情”的真实想法,它可能不好听,却是最实用的。写成文章的时候, 请给“爱情”这两个字打上引号。在千万年前,据说人类是男女同体的,站在云头的上帝见人间太风平浪静没他什么事了,于是一掌将男女劈开,造出“爱情”这个 东西来让世间大乱,让受不了折磨的人类终于想起祈求上帝;而爱情之后的婚姻只是人类的一种习俗、一种制度,却在让多少人不快乐,让多少人从此陷入痛苦的泥 沼还要装聋作哑。
      因此,不要说我“爱无能”,爱本来就无能,它不是没有快乐,而是有多少快乐就有多少痛苦。我拒绝爱,拒绝它的快乐也拒绝了它的痛苦,我不 要一个人来问我饿了没有冷了没有感冒了没有,不要一个人陪我聊天陪我奋斗,我已经长大,冷暖自知,懂得自己照顾自己,懂得用别的方式寻找同样的幸福与快 乐。
    July 18

    Been a while

    Haven't updated for a long time. Lots going on, but nothing special. And I probably have not been thinking about anything. Brain activity determines the frequency of entries. Some current events I want to comment on because the recent years have been rather disastrous:
    1. Tsunami: another one? There were warnings, but ppl are still dying in piles. Seriously, curiosity kills the cat.
    2. Israel needs to lay off! Its attack on Lebanon is absolute absurdity. Most disappointing is the lack of action taken by the rest of the world. If this was North Korea bombing Israel, the US alone would have already started WWIII. Ridiculous!
    3. "Yo Blair... the sh**************t...." Bush never fails to make an ass of himself. Opening broadcasting his buddy tight relationship w/ the British PM while chewing widely on bread and butter.... some Chinese proverb would have taught him to eat in silence. that even the President is just human, but the title isn't carried @ zero cost!
    April 26

    Acquisitive Workaholic

    I often wonder what will make me happy. In other words, what is the "goal" of my life. I tried staying away from the "goal" term so long to no avail. "Goal" is just such a vague, generally adapted, overused, and sometime misused word. It is like the classic "chicken and egg" dilemma, which comes first, do we realize our goal through the entire process of decision making, or do we set out on a journey with the glamorous goal deeply imprinted?
     
    Going with the first scenario, our societies just don't allow us to taste the world until we find our passion unless we have filthy rich parents. And with the latter scenario, there will be no journeys until the goal is found, but how should we discover with no experience what so ever, how should we sit around and think up a "GOAL" for life out of thin air?
     
    Or we can generalize our goals: Be rich - an acquisitive workaholic - regardless what I do! Have a family - regardless how my living conditions will be! But I mean what kind of crappy goals are those? These aren't goals, they are conditions defined by existing societal rolls.
     
    I have not even a vague idea how I will approach life... clueless as a bunnie to be shot down! GOD DAMN IT.
    Maybe there should be a cause before the big G-word.
    April 24

    Mr. Right

    How imporant is finding Mr. Right?
    ~ I'm a little tipsy now... drinking had become part of my daily routine. I enjoy it a lot. I like being half concious and half unconcious. In my department, the process of drinking is less pleasurable than the result of it. I drink to get drunk, and enjoy the drunken wrecklessness. ~
    So, back to Mr. Right. I believe there are so many Mr. Rights out there for each girl. Same logic works for guys of course. Therefore, THE Mr. Right you meet and stick with is destined to be. Limit your curiosity and stick to what you've got... logical.
    ~ ok, this is pushing it. I'm too drunk to write... no... too drunk to think~
    April 20

    Dilemma

    The much raved book "The Da Vinci Code" is out in paperback. This book gained wide popularity when first released. Then stirred some contraversies about the authenticity and originality of ideas and interpretation - details I'm not too familiar with since I never took interest in the book itself. Now a movie based on this book is coming out, which caused a return of mass attention to the book itself. Books and Hollywoods - it's all a big conspiratory conglamorate. For the first time, I found out the book is a fictional threaller. So the question becomes: Does it hurt to read just for fun against my dislike to blinded bandwagon jumping?
     
    Me1: Everyone reads that crap book!
    Me2: You can read it just for fun, you might like it.
    Me1: But it's like the bible of commuters, and I don't see what the flipping colossal deal is about it!
    Me2: Then forget it, find some other book.
    Me1: But it's so tempting to see what this huge rave for it is all about.
    Me2: Just go get the book, it's 7.99$ if you feel like it, then read it; if not just put it away.
     
    Hm....
    March 27

    What's wrong with me?

    Something really weird happened to me. It's about shopping. I used to love shopping, even though i was never an impulsive buyer or the biggest shopaholic, I enjoyed the act of shopping: browsing merchandise, walking around in different stores, comparing prices and trying on things that i like or don't dare to wear anywhere outside of the fitting room. Nowadays, it's a different story. I tried to summarize my reactions to shopping now:
     
    1. Everything's so expensive - I think now I've moved on from cheap teenage / college trends like GAP and American Eagle... to some slightly higher taste of brands, things are a lot more expensive even with Sales tags on. Everywhere I turn, it's either Saks or high end retails stores like Armani and Tahari. Good stuff, but they don't come cheap.
     
    2. There are simply too many options - always keeping in mind the goal to find the best deal for the best price, "shopping" itself lives up to its meaning entirely. How many sources including department stores, outlet, internet, sample sales, do I have to go through to keep the integrity of my purchasing goal? Countless! And that's a problem - unwilling to settle for less than the best deal - really makes shopping a rather cumbersome task.
     
    3. Patience becomes a derived issue of the second point - I simply have no patience for going through racks and racks of clothes and shoes, or searching and visiting each sales event there is. I'd rather read or relax.
     
    4. Money - the more money i make, the less willing I am to spend frivolously on fashion, granted that it's definitely not on top of my list of priorities. Therefore, I'm simply unwilling to pay for things that gift wrap me on a daily basis for no apparently good reason. "Who am I trying to impress?"
     
    There are spurs of moments when i tell myself to go out there and get the prettiest things for myself, spend money on fashion like every other girl. hehe... Just doesn't work. So I guess I've come to term with shopping: Get what I need, be happy with what I have :)
    February 19

    "Bobos in Paradise"

    Wenwen talked about 小资
    Funny that I have a book on it, the American bobos are like:
     
    ~~~ Amazon.com 
     
    "You've seen them: They sip double-tall, nonfat lattes, chat on cell phones, and listen to NPR while driving their immaculate SUVs to Pottery Barn to shop for $48 titanium spatulas. They tread down specialty cheese aisles in top-of-the-line hiking boots and think nothing of laying down $5 for an olive-wheatgrass muffin. They're the bourgeois bohemians--"Bobos"--an unlikely blend of mainstream culture and 1960s-era counterculture that, according to David Brooks, represents both America's present and future: "These Bobos define our age. They are the new establishment. Their hybrid culture is the atmosphere we all breathe. Their status codes now govern social life." Amusing stereotypes aside, they're an "elite based on brainpower" and merit rather than pedigree or lineage: "Dumb good-looking people with great parents have been displaced by smart, ambitious, educated, and antiestablishment people with scuffed shoes."

    Bobos in Paradise is a brilliant, breezy, and often hilarious study of the "cultural consequences of the information age." Large and influential (especially in terms of their buying power), the Bobos have reformed society through culture rather than politics, and Brooks clearly outlines this passing of the high-class torch by analyzing nearly all aspects of life: consumption habits, business and lifestyle choices, entertainment, spirituality, politics, and education. Employing a method he calls "comic sociology," Brooks relies on keen observations, wit, and intelligence rather than statistics and hard theory to make his points. And by copping to his own Bobo status, he comes across as revealing rather than spiteful in his dead-on humor. Take his description of a typical grocery store catering to discriminating Bobos: "The visitor to Fresh Fields is confronted with a big sign that says 'Organic Items today: 130.' This is like a barometer of virtue. If you came in on a day when only 60 items were organic, you'd feel cheated. But when the number hits the three figures, you can walk through the aisles with moral confidence."

    Like any self-respecting Bobo, Brooks wears his erudition lightly and comfortably (not unlike, say, an expedition-weight triple-layer Gore-Tex jacket suitable for a Mount Everest assault but more often seen in the gym). But just because he's funny doesn't mean this is not a serious book. On the contrary, it is one of the more insightful works of social commentary in recent memory. His ideas are sharp, his writing crisp, and he even offers pointed suggestions for putting the considerable Bobo political clout to work. And, unlike the classes that spawned them--the hippies and the yuppies--Brooks insists the Bobos are here to stay: "Today the culture war is over, at least in the realm of the affluent. The centuries-old conflict has been reconciled." All the more reason to pay attention."

     

    February 06

    Happy Valentine?

    "Happy Valentine's Day!"

    Another Hall Mark Holiday that marks the hall of exploitation of people's needs for attention and desire for love. The beautiful blossoms of roses and sweet sensation of chocolate capture the eyes and hearts of millions' every year, all for the heart-melting "I love you!"

    My Questions are: Since when did "Love" become the biggest media icon? Is love supposed to be shown in an amplified degree on Valentine's Day? It is wrong in so many ways. If only Valentine's day was for the celebrating of love and care, so let it be, however this sales/marketing scheme conditioned holiday has become the benchmark for one of the most fundamental, sophisticated and complex human emotions. People should have their own ways of celebration at the desirable times. If you are with someone you love and care endearingly, Valentine's Day would seem so shallow and meaningless. Express love your way and keep it special between you and your sweetie!